Confession of A Functional Atheist

My name is Jen... and I am a functional Atheist. Not the kind that doesn't believe in God; Not the kind that denies the existence of a "higher power". The functional kind... the kind that acknowledges and believes in Him in some areas of my life but functions as if there is no God in other areas. I become so involved with the stress and busyness of everyday that I forget Him. It sounds strange... even impossible. Functional atheism means I have a high pressure of creeds and an anorexia of deeds. It means I acknowledge Him with my lips and ignore Him in my hour to hour life. How could I forget God? 

 What does it look like? Well, it's simple. It looks like me spending time with Jesus in the morning  and acknowledging my great need for Him both personally and in ministry, then closing my Bible and going about my day, thinking, "If only I could find the right method, process, or system... if only I can execute this exceptionally... then ministry would just take off! I would be successful." Functional atheism... believing in a present and active God, then acting as if He is not present. 
How did I get to this place?! It wasn't by choice... no... it was a long drawn out pattern of saving myself. That's what functional atheism is really... acting as my own savior. Believing that I can act as my own god. Trusting in my own piety, my own work, and my own faith to save me rather than God Himself. 

 Being a functional atheist means I am a workaholic with a God-complex who acknowledges I need God with my lips... and even really truly believing it in my head... and working as if I need to save myself. 

 Lord I believe. Now help me with my unbelief. Save me from my own hypocrisy and functional atheism. Save me from myself! 

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